Twas so funny that I had to share...
Twas the month after Christmas,
And all through the house,
Nothing would fit me,
not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled,
The chocolate I'd taste
At the holiday parties
Had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales
There arose such a number!
When I walked to the store
(Less a walk than a lumber)
I'd remember the marvellous
Meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces
And beef nicely rared.
The wine and the rum balls,
The bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said,
"No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself
In my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again
To do battle with dirt...
I said to myself,
As I only can,
"You can't spend a winter,
Disguised as a man!"
So, away with the last
Of the sour cream dip.
Get rid of the fruit cake,
Every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food
That I like must be banished
Till all the additional
Ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie,
Not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew
On a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits,
Or corn bread, or pie.
I'll munch on a carrot
And quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome,
And life is a bore...
But isn't that what
January is for?
Unable to giggle,
No longer a riot.
Happy Chinese New Year to all,
And to all a good diet.
