On being pregnant

When I was 4 months pregnant with Kuya, Hubby was assigned somewhere in Zambales. He only got to come home about every 2 weeks and only on the weekends. He'll catch the bus Friday afternoon and be home late Friday night. Sometimes he'll even arrive Saturday early morning. Then on Sunday afternoon, he'll catch the bus back to Zambales.

It was my first pregnancy and Hubby wasn't with me. I hated it, hated being pregnant without a husband. There were times that I would even cry myself to sleep from missing him (or maybe they were just hormones). I vowed that I would not become pregnant again (well, this and the fact that I was in labor for 3 days).

After 3 years, I broke my vow and became pregnant with Kowi. And Hubby was assigned somewhere in Palawan. Now, he only came home every 2 months if we're lucky.

During that time we were also in the middle of constructing our house and I had to decide on everything virtually alone. I would go to Home Depot and choose paint, doors, bathroom fixtures and tiles alone, driving my stick shift pick-up truck which I still drove even on my 8th month! It was really depressing.

I never really enjoyed being pregnant because I never got to fully experience the joys of having Hubby massage my feet, rub my back or just feel my tummy whenever I wanted. All I had were a phone calls, texts, MMS and huge cell phone bills.

Although there is a lot of pressure from my mom and dad to give them their third grandchild, I am still apprehensive about having a third baby. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids. I just don't want to go through pregnancy alone--again.